Life is full of unexpected challenges, from minor personal mistakes to major setbacks like losing a job, dealing with an illness, or the death of a loved one. No matter your perception of the issue, your resilience affects how you cope with or respond to challenges. Some research shows that being kind to yourself when things get tough – instead of being hard on yourself or focusing on the negative – can improve your ability to cope with adversity, making you more resilient.

Benefits of self-compassion and resilience

Self-compassion is a psychological concept that involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, patience, and acceptance, especially during difficult times or when facing personal shortcomings.1 Growing evidence suggests that self-compassion is an inner resource that promotes resilience – the ability to cope with stress, adapt, or rebound from setbacks or challenges.1,2 

Resilience doesn't mean tackling issues alone, suffering in silence, or not responding emotionally. Instead, resilience is the ability to experience challenges or difficult emotions like anger and grief but keep functioning physically and psychologically.3 Although some individuals might have more resilience than others, resilience isn’t a personality trait. You can develop resilience via your behaviors, thoughts, and actions. 

Self-compassion can improve resilience and the ability to cope when things take an unexpected direction. This has been shown to offset factors that increase the risk of mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.1,4,5 Low resilience is associated with dwelling on problems, feeling victimized, or turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse or risky behaviors.6 

Elements of self-compassion 

To develop kindness toward yourself, it’s helpful to understand the three elements of self-compassion.1 

  • Self-kindness: Treat yourself with kindness by acknowledging when you need to rest, asking for help, or setting boundaries. These kind actions can help reduce stress hormones and increase feelings of gratitude, happiness, and calmness.6 Caring for your emotional pain might help you to bounce back faster as well.1
  • Common humanity: Understand that you're not alone in your struggles. Adversity is a shared human experience. Seek experiences to help you connect with others to avoid feeling isolated. Getting involved with groups, volunteering, or just spending time with others can create a sense of connectedness, which fosters resilience.5 
  • Mindfulness: Self-compassion encourages acknowledging your emotions without judgment.1 To become more emotionally resilient, allow yourself to experience your feelings without trying to suppress them. Become aware of the moment's discomfort, label the emotion you're dealing with, such as anger, and then articulate the feeling, "I'm tense." 

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion won't make your problems disappear, but it might help you see past them to better cope with stress and become more resilient. You’ll still go through the experience, but it might not take as much out of you, and you might grow from it. 

You can build your stores of resilience by practicing self-compassion daily with habits such as: 

  • Be your own best friend. In times of failure or setbacks, your inner critic can be harsh. Notice how you talk to yourself and replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness, as you would a friend. Replace thoughts of "I'm stupid" with "I’m doing my best." This practice might reduce the emotional toll of self-criticism.
  • Give yourself a break. Be mindful of your emotions and thoughts without buying into them. Studies show that writing about feelings might help to regulate them.1 Consider writing a letter to yourself as if you were speaking to a friend who made the same error or is going through a similar challenge. You'd be inclined to comfort them rather than attack them. 
  • Accept your limitations. Self-compassion isn't about excusing or condoning mistakes but accepting your shortcomings with kindness. This attitude can help build a more stable sense of self-worth, which boosts self-confidence to enable you to face challenges with a belief in your ability to overcome difficulties. 
  • Develop a catchphrase. Create a phrase to draw upon when you're dealing with challenging situations. A calming sentiment such as, "This is part of life" or, "I'm going to be okay," can help offset negative thoughts.
  • Grow gratitude. List things you feel grateful for daily, five positive things you see in yourself, or five accomplishments. Starting or ending your day with this short exercise has been shown to provide long-lasting benefits.1
  • Make every day meaningful. Do something you enjoy each day that provides a clear sense of purpose. Choose a task with defined, achievable goals to create a sense of accomplishment.
  • Encourage self-care. Nurturing your physical and emotional resources prepares you to handle changes effectively. When you treat yourself with the same care as you'd offer a friend, you're more likely to engage in activities that support your well-being. 
  • Learn from experience. Consider how you coped in the past and what skills and strategies worked best. Journaling might help you identify positive and negative behavior patterns to learn from for future experiences. 
  • Remain hopeful. Accepting and anticipating change might make adapting and viewing new challenges easier with less anxiety. Remember that you can't change the past but can look forward to the future.

Self-compassion provides a foundation of emotional well-being and mental flexibility that helps you adapt and thrive when dealing with life's challenges. When faced with adversity, you’ll be more likely to use healthy coping mechanisms rather than avoiding issues or resorting to self-destructive behaviors, further increasing your overall resilience.6

References

  1. Neff K. Self-Compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annu Rev Psychol. 2023;18(74):193-218.
  2. Chen J. Self-compassion as key to stress resilience among first-year early childhood teachers during COVID-19: An interpretive phenomenological analysis. Teaching and Teacher Education. 2022(111).
  3. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020(2). https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/building-your-resilience [Accessed July 24, 2023]
  4. Wu Y, Sang Z, Shang, X, et al. The relationship between resilience and mental health in Chinese college students: A longitudinal cross-lagged analysis. Front Psychol. 2020;11:108.
  5. Egan S, Rees C, Delalande J, et al. A review of self-compassion as an active ingredient in the prevention and treatment of anxiety and depression in young people. Adm Policy Ment Health. 2022;49(3):385-403. 
  6. Fryburg, D. Kindness as a stress reduction-health promotion intervention: A review of the psychobiology of caring. Am J Lifestyle Med. 2021;16(1):89-100.
  7. Austin J, Drossaert C, Sanderman R, et al. Experiences of self-criticism and self-compassion in people diagnosed with cancer: A multimethod qualitative study. Front Psychol. 2021;12:737725 .